Richard Branson has an (Attr)Active Drug Problem

At least I’ve never seen someone with such a big, naked monkey on their back (see what I did there? Yeah, you love it.)

Anyway, I’m a couple of days late on this, but it cracked me up, so here we are.

Apparently Sir Richard Branson was out romping around in the seas surrounding his private effing island, showing us how awesome his life is when suddenly, famed photographer Stephane Gautronneau decided that what this moment in the life of a billionaire needed was more nudity! (Alright, Stephane!)

Branson was posing for photographer Stephane Gautronneau when he asked Branson if model Denni Parkinson, Gautronneau’s girlfriend who was present at the time, could get in some pictures.

She clung to the billionaire’s back while he kite surfed and also lolled around on the sand as Branson stood on the shore in a white linen shirt.

Branson told the Mail on Sunday ‘What can you say if you are asked to pose with a naked lady? I only wish I had eyes in the back of my head.’

Stephane, you are an inspiring lad.  I can only speculate about what was going on in his head.

“Hey Richard.  I’m really not capturing your carefree spirit and privileged life well enough to rub in the faces of everyone struggling during these tough economic times.  Howsabout we have my supermodel girlfriend get buck naked and ride you around the beautiful ocean.  What’s that?  Do I think it’s over the top?  Nah, you’re a pinnacle of aspiration.  Alright honey, strip and hold on for dear life.  *Pulitzer, here I come!*”

I actually considered including ol’ Dick and Stephane in Assholes of the Week just for rubbing it in all of our faces, but how can I hate on anyone that decides to bring more naked to the world – all nude, but tasteful, right?

The money quote actually comes  a bit later in the article:

The paper added Branson’s wife and two grown children watched the shoot from the shore.

Awesome.

“Honey, you don’t mind, right?  This naked model is going to ride me around the ocean like a baby koala.  A very naked baby koala.  I mean, it’s art!  Awesome, thanks, love you!”

Here’s to you Richard Branson, for taking my sunny Friday afternoon and making me realize that I can’t even see you.

Oh, and here’s the links to the rest of the photos (some NSFW):

Smirky Monkey — Scared Monkey — Drunk Monkey — Clingy Monkey — Naked Blurry Boobie Monkey — Scary Old Guy — Butt Naked Monkey creeps around in the woods

[via Huffington Post]