Celebrity Death Pool: Who ya got?

In the month of June, we lost:

• David Carradine (Technically hanging, but I think we’re all unsure.)
• Ed McMahon (Secret.  No formal cause of death released.)
• Farrah Fawcett (Cancer)

Adhering to the Celebrity Death Rule of 3, a new cycle started with:

• Michael Jackson (conflicting reports)
• Billy Mays (heart disease)
• ?

Despite what Wikipedia has to say about notable deaths this year, we’re using the patented General Disdain Celebrity Meter, in which the person qualifies if they died and I cared (or would care enough to take note).  So, if we’re sticking to the rule of 3, and stretching it enough to include Carradine in the first run of 3 (he died in early June, well before the others in his group), that actually means that the cutoff date should probably be…today.

Here are the 5 candidates, who ya got?

1. Amy Winehouse
   
   
   
   Lovely Amy here is only 25 years old.  Do you remember when she was first popular, and “Rehab” was a funny song about how she wanted to drink and do drugs and you can just shut your damn mouth because she’s a rock star?  It was kind of nice to have a throwback artist who was openly abusing drugs and alcohol but seemingly keeping it together.  That is, of course, until she stopped keeping it together, and started living in St. Lucia, harassing tourists, hotel staff, and assaulting our eyes with her death on a stick appearance.  However, after the odd facial skin disease period, and the repeated hospitalization, Amy seems to have settled into a nice “walking dead” look that so many experienced addicts seem to find.  Experienced addicts like…
2. Courtney Love
   
   
   
   Courtney isn’t so young and spry, but what she lacks in youth, she makes up for in veteran drug abuse.  The picture above is about a week old, and while Mrs. Cobain has been seen looking painfully think, drunk, and generally awful all around Los Angeles for some months now, her descent into complete zombiefication seems nearly complete.  Even if Courtney does bite it soon, I would expect to see her stumbling around the week after, mumbling about brains.
3. Lindsay Lohan
   
   Oh, Lindsay.  Lindsay celebrates her 23rd birthday this week!  Let’s all congratulate her on managing, in 5 short years, from going from being one of the prettiest, seemingly funny and sweet (Remember Mean Girls?  That was in 2004!) young female stars in Hollywood to whatever the hell that thing is in the white shorts.  Lindsay’s travels (or perhaps more appropriately, travails) have been well documented in other places on the Internet, so I won’t waste your time rehashing them here.   It doesn’t seem like Lindsay has quite hit the bottom like Winehouse seemed to a short time ago, and I think at this point I’m expecting Lohan’s obit to pop up in my RSS reader.  Lindsay’s continued indulgence of her downward spiral might make her the clear leader.  You know, like Barbaro.  Because he’s dead, see?
   
4. Patrick Swayze
   
   Sure, it’s sad that The Swayze has been locked in a mortal battle with cancer for more than a year and a half.  Yes, I am sensitive to how painful and cruel his treatment has been.  I realize also that because of Dirty Dancing, Pat’s got a special place in many of your hearts (for me it’s Roadhouse).  However, how much sympathy do you offer a man that more than once in the past 12 months has been given only weeks to live by his doctors but stubbornly continues to smoke?  I don’t find a lot of humor in Pat’s plight, but this list would incomplete if I didn’t include him.  Besides, is self-destruction that leads to cancer any more pitiable that drug abuse?  Or are you just all sad about the abs (for me it’s the tai chi)?

5. Spencer Pratt
   
   

   Ah, if only rampant douchebaggery was a fatal disease.  Here’s hoping the old Karma train is making a beeline for The Hills.  Maybe Spencer can get hit by a frozen boulder of feces falling from a plane.  That seems appropriate.

There’s your top 5.  I could do this for hours, but it’s actually pretty depressing.  Leave your suggestions on who’s next in the comments, assuming you’re as tasteless and callous as I am.